[Written Aug. 10]
Today was the much built up and feared by many afternoon/evening of dundundun… SILENCE. I've been actually looking forward to this unstructured time of escape into the current chaotic jumble of my mind, during which we were instructed to avoid eye contact and smiles to create our own bubble, a world of just you and God. Following a talk on spirituality this morning (by a woman who was raised Catholic, got into the "sex, drugs, and rock and roll", and has since returned to Catholicism and spirituality), we received a list of questions that are part of St. Ignatius' Spiritual Exercises to help guide our reflection. To tackle these and create my bubble, I went for a walk on the beach and through a park which was absolutely gorgeous. [for any DGs reading this, I found a sand dollar and broke it open to find the five doves :) ] Some thoughts that struck me from the guided reflection include:"Our only desire and our one choice should be this: I want and I choose what better leads to deepening God's life in me." Pretty powerful mantra! I really like how straightforward it got too, like the first line of the First Principle and Foundation: "The goal of our life is to live with God forever.” "Where are you?" this was (simplified) what God asked Adam in the Garden of Eden following his realization that he was naked. God asks each of us this too: what are you using to hide from Me? Another great pointblank question.
Along with the other questions and thoughts, this led me to create a few lists that I hope to keep referencing this year. First, I made a list of my fears; whether silly or serious, I have many worries and concerns that were more tackleable when written down. Then I made a list of reasons why my placement is vital. I know, still struggling with this one, but the list will be very encouraging and makes me feel so much better about how I am going to be changed and help the children learn from me. (Side note, yesterday, we had a talk by a FJV about community and he said that one of the most important things about community in JVC is knowing that each of us is working to support various layers of society. For example in my casa, I'm getting to help the littlest kids; Paula, Dana, and Colleen are there for the tweens and teens as they need support, guidance and fun, and Greg will be helping families and parents gain a foothold in housing and the job market. We each are vital to try to support at every step of life and to try to make sure no one slips through the cracks.) I also wrote a list of people to write letters to and why, and things I want to do as a community and as an individual this year (I'll be posting this list on my blog soon, hopefully). And yes, I'm aware that I may have an addiction to lists, but I'm ok with it : )
We also ate dinner in silence, which I thought would be uncomfortable and extremely challenging, but it actually freed my thoughts up, to allow me to think about the different people who contributed to my salad of carrots, cilantro, lime, and raisins (delicious, btw!). Farmers and their families, seed producers(?), truckers, God, worms, people at farmers markets, the chef (an FJV), other JVs, etc. I also was move conscious of the taste and textures of everything, the sweet, crunchy carrots, the tangy lime, juiciness of the plump raisins. This mindfulness is something that I definitely need to work on this year.
We broke the silence with "bedtime stories" of people's lives. As individual casas, we shared our personal stories using lifelines, pieces of paper that we had drawn on to visually demonstrate major events and situations in our lives. Mine was a tree, flowers around the trunk with names of those who have been extremely influential in my formation, events up the trunk, and dreams and goals in the leaves. We shared about our lives, people who have helped to shape who we are today, and our emotions with our casa, helping to create an environment of trust, compassion, and community. I began to more fully realize how blessed I am with such an incredible and inspirational group of people in my casa! This year is going to be amazing!
(Jen and I - how obvious is it that we had been out in the salty wind all day??)
p.s.: did you know a single round of Uno can last over an hour and a half? Jen and I played one with 2 other JVs and the program director and it took forever! Maybe we were too competitive??
p.p.s.: we also had mini workshops on various ways to live simply this morning and I attended the discussion on the environment and living simply. I felt like the most unenvironmentally friendly person ever! Supposedly there is a quiz online that you can take to find out how many earths it would take for every other human to live like you do, so I want to take this and get depressed/inspired. The girl next to me said she would require 7 earths. Anyway, some ideas included having No-tech Tuesdays or Amish Mondays in which all electricity and technology can be used in your casa, "if it's yellow let it mellow", vegetarianism (big debate on this one!), eating only locally grown food (another debate since if everyone only ate locally, how would countries that are single export based, like some that rely on banana, coffee, cacao, etc production and export continue to make money?, composting, army style showers, gardening, CSAs, education of house and community, etc. The most radical idea was from a guy who lived in Mexico this past year with the Zapatas, and he suggested showering together? Um, creepy! I wasn't sure if he was kidding or not, but either way, I love the earth, but not that much.
[As I was posting this, I took the quiz here and my life in Decatur would have taken 4.81 earths. Yike! I'm going to be better this year! There's also another quiz here, but I didn't know the numbers for some of the questions, so I didn't do it.]
(Our running route that led down to the beach)
(crazy bird storm!)
(flowers along the road)
(my favorite house on the beach)